Vim rants...

Milan and Spade Jac

This photo in Spade Jac's album made me lay back in my chair and I found myself walking down the memory lane.

I am not able to express all that's going through my mind. many colours, many feelings...a hundred thousand pulses traversing my brain.

Milan Mathew, my college-mate, classmate, and a good friend.
We were also room mates during the final-sem-project days in Trivandrum.

Othiri nala ormakal thanittu avan yaatra ayi.
A very respectable individual, a cucek-ian with his own style statement.
The gold capped rudraksh mala, the solid gold bangle, he was a great fan of Mohanlal.

He was an honest chap, and responsible too. I remember how the ABVP leadership made him the Party President for our college. He was dedicated, I never expected anyone to do that job with so much dedication and enthusiasm.

The day, we came to know that he was sick, I could see tears run down Sreeja's cheeks. He was a good friend to both of us, always offered a lot of moral support.

I had called him up when he was hospitalized. He was too tired from the radiotherapy. He never gave up hope, and was strong at heart. He was happy that he had cleared all the exams. This is what he told me, "Eda njanum Pillayum passayi. Njan ippol oru engineera" (Me and Pillay cleared our papers, I am an engineer now). He talked about beginning his job hunt.

Months later I called him, He was quite happy, and was getting better. The cancer that was eating into his lungs had subsided. He was feeling much stronger. There were a few more tests, and then he would be declared free. He was waiting for that day. We all felt happy for him. He talked to me about coming to Bangalore. "Aliya ninte bedinte adiyil eniku paay virikan ithiri sthalam" (Leave me some space under your bed, i'll sleep there).
When I talked to him about my life, there warm and consoling voice at the other end..."ellam sheriakum aliya" (Everythings gonna be alright dude)

A week later that shocking news came as an sms on my cell. I was frozen. Could not believe it. I called up Nimesh and Rishi to confirm the genuinity of the message.
Soumya and Dinup were with me. Everyone was silent.

I never went to his funeral, couldn't bear to see my friend's lifeless form. I didn't want to believe he was dead. Didn't want to see the mourning.

It was a lot of fun in class, and outside. I feel I am getting too emotional to type anything more. There is this strong feeling within me to ask our other friends to leave their comments on this post... that would speak more about this big buddy who left without a word.

Friend, we miss you. Rest in peace.

Hello world!

This is my first post on blogspot.
I used to maintain a blog during college days, used to call it DreamWeb.
But its history! After 2 years I am writing again.

In the last 2 years the World has changed a lot.
Westernization of Indian culture and Indians wearing expensive, but little clothes, is among one of the many changes that disturbs me.
Not that it makes me feel sad or depressed, but that it is disturbing the harmony of my mind in some way or the other.

I do not care about what other people wear, it is none of my business. But for some reason, I think, the way people live affects society a lot. And we being social animals, it affects us one way or the other. I feel different when I reach my village, I become a different man, happiness within and elevated spirits!

2 years out of college...I feel I have changed a lot.
Even Life has changed a lot. Life used to be a dream, it used to be fun...but all of a sudden there is more of suffering, pain and loss. Now it’s a run to make a living, to survive.

My intellectual value has also fallen. I feel I am a big ZERO!
Back to college days, I used to be a techie. I used to have EK beside me.
(Am not forgetting friends and family..they are always there. Its a different side of life, the evergreen side)Never felt I was alone. I always had something or the other to do...someone or the other to talk to.

Then there was our "DreamWeb". Made, hosted, and maintained by us....we were called the Cyber Age couples! During breaks we used to exchange floppies...content to be viewed and updated on the DreamWeb. DreamWeb was full of flash movies, PowerPoint presentations, password protected Word documents and an up-to-date blog of our lives.

Now....

Its me and this lonely life. I hate this city life...but again, holding on to survive.

But I know I should live. I will. Everyone says that's life.
Shouldn't I believe it when everyone says so?
I do, and I am living....

Will the evergreen side dry someday? I know that will be even more painful.
But I will live.... there should be a purpose for this life, there will be, for sure.

I dont want to make this a dry blog...filled with tales of tears, pain and all thats bad and negative.

I want to be cheerful...so u can expect this to a colourful blog, with occasional salt and pepper of memories, of course its a reflection of my mind.

I read this post over and over again...so many things are going past my mind, they are moving faster than I could write.

And if I write more, it could get more personal...so let me publish this now, or its going to be never!


My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...